“Nel mezz del camin di nostra vita mi ritrovai in un selva oscura, que la diritta via era oscura” Dante
(In the middle of life I found myself in a dark wood with no obvious way out)
We believe in our thoughts, and in where they lead. The basis of reality? Yet, in fact, neuroscience shows that thinking arises from our feelings. These colour all of what we consider to be “rational”. There is a range of emotions, but at least for me the most influential is fear.
Terror leads to avoidance. We turn away from the unknown. What is obscure remains so because of our apprehensions. Consequently, unlike joy, disgust, or sadness, fear must be integrated so that we can open our eyes to a whole reality. I have found that one way to do this is to dive right in: by imagining the dreaded outcome—by plumbing the depths. At least in my experience, the fear then evaporates and new worlds open.
The first half of my life was spent with an avoided existential angst: literally a fear of non-existence. But the grief of losing my mother forced me to look into what I thought of as an abyss. I found that death is both the antithesis and the defining framework of life, just as the reverse is true. The fear of death is a surface that reflects our ego; it is no more than a narcissistic mirror at the boundary of the ocean of existence. Its reflective nature of avoidance forms a barrier to real truths. Avoidance comes from a terror which belongs to our ego. But ego itself is an illusion. Our true selves arise with and are part of eternal relationship: between each other, nature and the divine.
When probed honestly, our fear reveals itself to be a chimera—a mere confection of the ego. It is by swimming naked in the infinite sea of potential meaninglessness that the true love which underlies existence is felt, holding us eternally. At least that’s my experience, when I summon the courage and step outside my thoughts. There is glory, joy and relief in knowing, in those moments, that we belong to “All that is”: the Word existing beyond time.
